This week, I completed a Story Lab, in which I watched two separate TED Talks, the links can be found here . The first talk seems to epitomize the first impressions we develop from stories, while the second one delves into the relationships we make with characters. In the first talk, the idea of a first impression is further discussed, where the speaker notes how she had opinions of a country that had been built up solely from a few stories she had been told, and how when she encountered other people, they already had predispositions based on stories they had been told. This can be broadened to a wider audience to suggest that we often see short amounts of information, and then we make the conclusions ourselves. For example, people often just read the headlines of news articles and believe they know everything about that topic afterwards, as opposed to ever reading the article. The second talk digs into the connections we make with fictional characters, and why we spend so much tim...
Hey Sean!
ReplyDeleteIndra definitely seems like a very interesting being and I look forward to reading about Indra as well as his weapon and the beings that he defeats with it. Your introduction does a good job of introducing what you will be talking about and what the reader should expect along the journey. I like that you will be using Thor and Zeus in your stories since those are typically well known gods of thunder for most readers. I also like that you will be discussing the Indian culture because these epics and gods are important to many people! One thing that I may add would be a picture of Indra. I think by adding a picture you will be able to introduce Indra in indivual form to the readers.
Hey Sean!
ReplyDeleteI like how clear your introduction is. It's really easy to follow and clearly outlines the expectation the reader should have for the storybook. I'm excited to read more about Indra. You easily draw the reader in simply by giving Indra's initial introduction. Who doesn't want to read about a thunder god? I really like how you plan to conclude your storybook. Its ingenious to create a dialogue between the thunder gods, Zues, Indra, and Thor. The way you conclude your introduction is well laid out and gives the reader a summarized roadmap of the expectations for the storybook.
I found out recently that you can set a GIF as a background image. It might be really cool if you make the header of your storybook a GIF of a thunderstorm and lighting.
Overall, you’ve done a great job creating your website and writing your introduction. I am really looking forward to this storybook!
Hey Sean,
ReplyDeleteI think Indra is a great character to write about. I am sure you can really create some great stories with his character and his deadly weapon. I am really looking forward to learning more about him and how you write your story using him. You have a really great idea on how you want to start and continue your story. This will make it really easy on you because you already have an idea on what you want to focus on. Your introduction is really clear for the readers as well because now we know what to expect about your story before readying it. It really gives a good idea on what we are getting our selves into. My favorite part that I am very well looking forward to is you adding Thor and Zues into your story! This is something new for sure because it is mixing different characters up from different backgrounds.
Hey Sean,
ReplyDeleteI am really interested in your storybook. I remember reading about Indra a couple times and he seemed to be a good character to use for your storybook! Have a general idea is a great start for you, because I know the planning phase is the tough part. Thor and Zeus is a nice addition to your storytelling. Thunder-gods are always a great read and I hope to learn much from your stories.
Hey Sean, last time I visited your site you just an introduction. I was happy to see you had added your first story. I really like the theme of your website. When you’re writing about thunder and rain, all of the blue hues really sets a tone for the story. Overall, your story was really good! I like how clear your writing is. The way that Indra obtains his lightening bolt is very interesting. Content-wise your story is perfect! I just noticed a few grammatical errors sprinkled throughout the text. Also, this sentence was confusing "Indra returned to the Gods and try as they might, not a single one could think of a way to defeat Indra." Do you mean "Vritra" when you say "Indra" at the end of the sentence? Keep up the good work. Great job with this story and I look forward to reading more of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Sean!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your story! You set it up so well. I had completely forgotten about this portion of the reading, but your story remained so true to the original that it came back fairly quickly for me. How is it that Indra was able to escape after having his shoulder hurt? Also, how is it that Vritra was able to hold back all of the waters of the world. I wonder if he was so long, he could simply wrap around it. Also, this is just a heads up, but a couple words in your authors note are misspelled or missing a letter. I get it, I've had so many errors because this class requires so much writing. I thought your story was very well written, and I can't wait to read more about the battle. That is, if you chose to go that direction with your next story.
Hi Sean!
ReplyDeleteI liked your first story! I don't remember writing this story before, so it was cool that you did an adaption of it. There were a few times in the first couple paragraphs where I think you confused Indra's name with Vrita's name. I do that all the time too. It's easy to get into the flow of writing that those simple mistakes just happen. Other than that, I enjoyed how the readers were able to learn how Indra's most powerful weapon was created. The story I'm writing includes Indra, so this was fun for me to learn!I like how you're building up the background information before diving into the battle. Also, I like that you ended on a cliffhanger because now I want to come back and see where the story goes!
Hello Sean! I just wanted to start off by saying I really enjoyed your story! I like how you kept the same characters but zoomed into the time proceeding their battle and still keeping the main premise of the story. I also like how you go into the history of how Indra created his powerful weapon! I was wanting to write a story that goes into the history of Indian weapons! I also like how you made the ending ambiguous leaving us to decide the ending. One thing that you may thing about adding, is a quick link from your website to your comment page. I think this will allow for easier navigation for the readers. Overall, I believe you wrote a great story! I can see you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing. Have a great weekend and good luck with the rest of your semester! I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Sean!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction. It's super easy to understand and follow along with. Indra's story seems interesting and really fun to follow. After reading the introduction, I really wanted to continue on and read more about what will happen next! Lightening and storms always intrigued me growing up in Oklahoma so this will be fun to read. There are so many ways you could go with this story and include the views from the gods side of things. I feel prepared for the rest of the story and think you did a nice job setting up for the rest of the story in your introduction. I agree with the other comments above that a GIF of lightening for the background would be amazing! I can't wait to see more and read the rest of this story! Keep up the good work! I'll be checking back in to see how this plays out!
Hi Sean! I just finished taking a look at your site and I have to say that I was quite impressed! I really loved the topic that you chose, and your background image used on the homepage fit in perfectly with Indra. I also really liked the image that you chose for your first story because it matched the sleek, clean look of your site. Your introduction was easy to read and makes the reader want to continue on to read more. I really appreciated your use of the authors note at the end to clear up any questions that the reader may or may not have. When looking at your style of writing, I really liked how you used describing details, but also kept your text clear and to the point. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future, so keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Sean,
ReplyDeleteIt's my second time around commenting on your storybook and I see that you've added two stories! Your story "The Vajra" was very interesting. I went straight to the Author's Note to get some background information over your story before I began reading. I was able to find that your story was about a specific weapon that would eventually take down a villain. The way you carried your story was very well then and I like your creativity with the creation and use of the weapon. Very nice work!
ReplyDeleteHi Sean! For starters, your cover photo is striking! (no pun intended) but what if you spiced u p the page titles a little bit? I appreciated how structured and easy-to-follow your introduction was, and wonder how it could come across if you decided to have a little more fun with it.
Indra Battles Vritra: I love your description of the thunderstorm, and explore the consequences of such a severe natural disaster while exploring the duality of destruction and rebirth. “If lightning struck a tree and burned down a forest, the rain later put it out and allowed new life to blossom” is a powerful sentence. The Asuras heckling Indra are a fun snippet of more contemporary humor, and the circuitry of Vritra’s death is really cool!
The Vajra: You do a great job of setting up the conflict in the first paragraph. Perhaps “he did not know that Indra planned to use the Vajra to defeat his son” instead of “to defeat Vritra, as it adds a more human element. “Even the Asura could sense something of divine creation was coming.” Nice.
One last suggestion: it’s unclear which story comes first, as the tabs are in reverse order- what if you reorganized them to read left to right instead of the other way around? Powerful stuff! Thanks for sharing!
Hey Sean!
ReplyDeleteI just took a look at your storybook project, and it is pretty great! Your introduction was well written, and it was very clear how you were going to write your stories and format them. I liked how you went into detail on what was to be expected in each of those stories, as well as the main idea we get from the stories. In addition, I really liked how you ended both your stories with a cliffhanger about the next story to follow it. I think that keeps the readers interested and wanting to read more. I also wonder how Vritra’s father felt when he found out the weapon was used against his son, since he didn’t know when he built it. Also, I did find it a little confusing with your story tabs because they were out of order, so fixing that might help clear up the confusion. Overall, great job on your stories!
Hey there Sean,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how clear and to the point your introduction is. It outlines the stories you will be telling very clearly and gives the reader an idea of what it will be about. I was very impressed with how your story was able to stay true to the original tale. How was Indra able to escape with his shoulder being hurt? That kind of has me stumped. Just some minor things I noticed but in the author’s notes for the story there were just a few misspelled words, but I know I misspell in my stories all the time so your all good. Your story was very well written, and I enjoyed the read because it flowed very well. I look forward to reading the future stories you are planning on posting, and I am looking forward to the battle. Good luck with the rest of your semester.
Hello Sean,
ReplyDeleteI loved the stories that you have told they were fantastic. Something that I would suggest that doesn’t have to do with your stories but rather your page is that you have out your introduction as the last selection of the site. I fell as if it would be better if you were to put the introduction page second right after the home page for people would see it easier and read it first. I myself didn’t notice it until after I started to read your two stories. I believe this would help people to navigate is all. Also, the stories are fantastic. They both flow really well and there seems to not be any grammar issues with either of them. I don’t have many suggestions for what to do other than you might add some more scene descriptions to help the setting of the story’s. Other than this you have really great details
Your stories are very epic! You've done an awesome job at portraying Indra and his great power! Make sure you reorder your stories though. You have your last one first and then your introduction last. As for the content within the stories, you did a great job with imagery. That's one of the reasons you did so well giving us a powerful image of Indra. Continue to focus on that imagery. I didn't catch any grammar mistakes, but it always helps reread a couple times, just in case. I always do that. Awesome work overall!
ReplyDeleteHey Sean!
ReplyDeleteYour project is so well done! You have done a really great job retelling these stories in your own way and they have turned out so well! You write very well and really bring these stories to life! You have obviously put in a lot of work on this project and it is totally paying off. I think this is my favorite project in the class. I hope I can read more of your work in the future and I hope the end of your semester goes well!